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2005′s PMOY – Hiromi’s Chances Look Slim
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Playmate In Bed: Hef Loves His Spicy Hiromi!
Go to Playboy's site & vote for your favorite Playmate in Bed Special Edition mag cover featuring none other than Hiromi Oshima! This might be a sign that Hiromi will not win 2005's Playmate of the Year honors considering she's getting exposure from other avenues. I know it's a little too soon to pull the trigger on this one, but it's just my educated guess.
One thing's for sure, though. Hef loves his Hiromi Oshima! The shriveled-up pimpdaddy doesn't want to lose his Asian flavored bunny b/c he knows the typical American male's tastes are slowly changing. Along with their steaks & hamburgers, they like to sample a little sushi & pad Thai every now & then, baby. With that in hand, I'm sure Hef's fully content with his weekly Hiromi Roll after he finishes up w/ Jillian, his twin-girlfriends & the rest of his bunny army.
Damn him to hell.
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Hiromi Oshima in Seattle!!!!
Yes, yes kiddos....it's another one of those rice rocket shows where hordes of horny boys come out to look at cars they wish they had and get cheaps feels off local girls who think they are import models.
But I'm not here to write about that crap.... I'm here to focus on the fact that Ms. Hiromi Oshima will be in Seattle. And hmm....who else resides in the Emerald City.... none other than (as steve puts it) the v-man himself....Mr. Varian Gray!!!
Should we cue up the Peaches and Herb? "reunited and it feels so good....."
In a perfect bastardly world we'd have Hiromi hook up w/ Varian once she gets into Seattle....she thanks him for all that he's done for her by engaging in marathon sex where she is forced to cancel her appearance at the show due to dehydration from the loss of electrolytes while betrothed in multiple sessions w/ Varian's trousersnake.
...or how about this one. Varian goes to the show; sees Hiromi (tear), sees her scandalous mgmt crew (grrrr), and rains hell on all their jabroni asses as Hiromi is now free from their coporate control. Carries her out of the show (ala An Officer and A Gentleman) as we cue up some Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes " Love lift us up where we belong..." oh...and yeah, they proceed to engage in marathon sex.
Okay....I'm a sucka for happy endings.
My opinion....I say Hiromi should get at Varian when she's here; do some crying for him, get on her knees, and then proceed to have sex w/ him. Then....she should give us a Bastardly Interview and give me and Fas an all-access pu-tang-tang pass to the Playboy Mansion (where she'd hook me up with Playmates Jennifer Walcott and Lauren Michelle Hill at the same time).
What will happen? Will she contact Varian once in Seattle? Will she thank him for launching her? Will they engage in marathon sex?
More info about the event if you really care.
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Bai Ling Tries to ‘Fit In’ @ 2005 PMOY Party @ Viceroy Hotel
Miss December 2004, Tiffany Fallon, won the PMOY honors & Hef threw a party at Santa Monica's pimped-out Viceroy Hotel (see update). Although we here at The Bastardly were totally pullin' for Hiromi to win it all, we'll manage to deal with this great disappointment only b/c we know that she loves us---somewhere, deep-deep inside her sexy, little heart. Her love is so great that she will finally come to terms with it & give the people who endless plug her bod & playmate career a long interview (in the nude, with whip cream). Hiromi, you can email us here*. We promise to only suck.
Ok I digress. This is supposed to be about Ms. Bai Ling. Let's admit it, she's sexy from the neck down only when she dresses like a complete ho, but the bottom-line is very simple: The girl has nothing on Hiromi Oshima or any of the other playmates who prance around wearing nothing (damn you, Hef). Regardless, we wish her luck in riding Hef's shriveled penis (excuse the horrible image).
Before I end, all credit goes to Emanuele for coming through with one! He sums it up pretty well...
poor old Bai, she can dream as much as she want to become one of them!Update: After calling the hotel from work to do some fact-checking (slacking off today...again), I sounded like a complete fool. The lady working in the restaurant said, "Sir, I only work weekdays, please call tomorrow & ask for Vanessa." So yeah, the photo looks kinda old, but it's posted on Corriere Della Sera's gallery.
...she's still chinese.
*wink
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Delicious Hiromi Oshima @ The PMOY Party
Here's some weekend eye-lollipop for our horny demographic. Who else could possibly taste sweeter than Hiromi Oshima?! I'm sure Varian can comment on the different types of edible items he sucked off of Hiromi's silky bod! Double damn you.
Well, after being down for a bit, I figured I'd go to our roots and leave you people with some Hiromi. It beats staring at Anna Nicole's excess back skin, right?
I have a couple more from the event, so lookout!
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Bastardly Where Are They Now?…Hiromi Oshima
Well, I guess a Bastardly Interview wasn't good enough so she had to go w/ frickin Import Tuner?!?!? I bet we'll probably be getting emails to sue/threaten us for copyright crap for posting this pic...
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Bastardly Matchup: Hiromi Oshima vs. UglyRiceBowl
This matchup came about from this comment from my post about Hiromi last week.
To quote UglyRiceBowl, she claims Hiromi to be a "Jap whore" and a "midget skank"...while saying, "I'm way hotter than her"
We thought it'd only be necessary for us to have Bastardly Matchup and let the readers be the final judge...I tired finding the most whack non-nude pics of Hiromi but could only come across a few non-nude pics. I'm sure Playboy and Import Tuner will be emailing us soon to sue us for copyright infringement...
So here we go...w/o further ado here is UglyRiceBowl
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Hiromi Oshima vs T – Bastardly Matchup
So since I did the Hiromi vs UglyRiceBowl matchup I thought I should catch up and do the matchup that we had so anticipated from this post.
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Playboy's Super Bowl / Hookup Party! Hiromi In Da House!!!
There's just no way you can attend one of these and not get laid. Ok, ok, homosexuality would be the only roadblock keep you from scandalously venturing between smooth Playmate thighs. Let's pause for a second & catch our breath...
One one thing before I close: If anyone has invites to a Playboy Mansion party, please do email us. Free advertising, tees and drugs will be at your feet!!
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Fashionable Ladies at 2013 Playmate of the Year Ceremony
Pictured: Crystal Harris, Shauna Sand, Raquel Pomplun, Jaclyn Swedberg, Hiromi Oshima Playboy Magazine’s 2013 Playmate of the Year ceremony took place at the Playboy Mansion. Raquel Pomplun, a 25-year old from Chula Vista, who was Miss April 2012 took home the distinction of Playmate of the Year. She is the… [Read More]![]()
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